Name Calling and Other Classroom Distractions
The feeling and emotional speedball of shame, frustration, and hurt associated with name-calling is the one we can all recall. I was recently reminded of this experience while teaching in class. A student called upon another student by a name; a name that seemed to be sharp enough to make the girl cry. The distressed girl, feeling embarrassed among her peers, asked permission to walk out to the hallway.
The student who called upon the girl offered an immediate apology after he saw the girl crying. The immediate apology, as expected, did not pass through to the girl; as she was isolated by her reactive emotions. The girl was accompanied by two of her friends. They tried to console her. The girl came back to join the class, while she was holding brave she did look distracted.
I decided to intervene and asked the girl if she wanted to talk to someone, could be me or someone else! She said yes, “Can I talk to you”? We once again headed to the hallway where she opened up about what was still bothering her. She said that the boy, who sits at her table group, had called her a “Fat White Lady”. She added, “That really hurt my feelings”.
I tried to persuade her that the boy had made a sincere apology and he did mean it. His promise of not repeating it seemed trustworthy. This did not seem to have any effect on the girl, so I asked the girl if she wanted me to call the boy out in the hallway and tell him how she felt. The girl said ‘yes’. I called him out where the girl shared her feeling about the incident with the boy. She said “when you called me that name it hurt me because I’m not fat, and I’m not white.”
The boy realizing and accepting his mistake once again said, “I understand, and I apologize.” “I didn’t mean it literally and I won’t do it again.”
This seemed to calm the girl and the class could finally move on with the lesson. I asked the class if we all handled the situation well and did we resolve the issue? We decided that we had resolved it. Even though we did not spend much time on this issue, we did realize that it is a very important aspect of life in school and that we should take it up more in depth.
Name-calling is purposefully hurtful, as the whole premise behind the activity is to cause pain, anxiety and general distress. However this premise is not always true, as in some cases, it remains a part of healthy childhood and bonding among school kids. Realizing the fact that every school and institution should note this, and pay it, its due attention and resolve and address as many such cases on a daily basis. Therefore, let us all be proactive and support schools and organizations to create a Bully-free environment and Support us for our sole mantra - STOP BULLYING!
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The feeling and emotional speedball of shame, frustration, and hurt associated with name-calling is the one we can all recall. I was recently reminded of this experience while teaching in class. A student called upon another student by a name; a name that seemed to be sharp enough to make the girl cry. The distressed girl, feeling embarrassed among her peers, asked permission to walk out to the hallway.
The student who called upon the girl offered an immediate apology after he saw the girl crying. The immediate apology, as expected, did not pass through to the girl; as she was isolated by her reactive emotions. The girl was accompanied by two of her friends. They tried to console her. The girl came back to join the class, while she was holding brave she did look distracted.
I decided to intervene and asked the girl if she wanted to talk to someone, could be me or someone else! She said yes, “Can I talk to you”? We once again headed to the hallway where she opened up about what was still bothering her. She said that the boy, who sits at her table group, had called her a “Fat White Lady”. She added, “That really hurt my feelings”.
I tried to persuade her that the boy had made a sincere apology and he did mean it. His promise of not repeating it seemed trustworthy. This did not seem to have any effect on the girl, so I asked the girl if she wanted me to call the boy out in the hallway and tell him how she felt. The girl said ‘yes’. I called him out where the girl shared her feeling about the incident with the boy. She said “when you called me that name it hurt me because I’m not fat, and I’m not white.”
The boy realizing and accepting his mistake once again said, “I understand, and I apologize.” “I didn’t mean it literally and I won’t do it again.”
This seemed to calm the girl and the class could finally move on with the lesson. I asked the class if we all handled the situation well and did we resolve the issue? We decided that we had resolved it. Even though we did not spend much time on this issue, we did realize that it is a very important aspect of life in school and that we should take it up more in depth.
Name-calling is purposefully hurtful, as the whole premise behind the activity is to cause pain, anxiety and general distress. However this premise is not always true, as in some cases, it remains a part of healthy childhood and bonding among school kids. Realizing the fact that every school and institution should note this, and pay it, its due attention and resolve and address as many such cases on a daily basis. Therefore, let us all be proactive and support schools and organizations to create a Bully-free environment and Support us for our sole mantra - STOP BULLYING!
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